A pleasant surprise

Evening Walk by Bellingham Bay・The Reluctant Cook

Day 50・Sunday Scales: -2.0 lbs・Total Loss: 20.6 lbs

Reached Milestone #3: Lose 20 lbs

I am really surprised to see a weight loss this week. Why? Because I had 12 packets of Justin’s Peanut Butter Cups last week! As in at last 4 individual cups every single day, on one day I had eight! That is quite a lot of chocolate for someone who is trying to lose weight. I also moved a bit less although I still walked on six days and bicycled twice. So what am I learning from this week?

I intentionally wore the same outfit today as I did when I started this journey. I don’t see the 20 lbs loss but I can definitely feel it in my body and also a bit in my clothes.

I intentionally wore the same outfit today as I did when I started this journey. I don’t see the 20 lbs loss but I can definitely feel it in my body and also a bit in my clothes.

  • I can eat 24 pieces of peanut butter cups and still lose weight! Ha!

  • I still reach for food in times of stress and when I’m tired.

  • My pattern of wanting to tune out and ‘not caring’ is still strong.

  • Food guilt keeps me in a loop of feeling powerless and weak.

  • These are choices I am making, even if they don’t feel like choices.

A good friend of mine once said: “By the time you get to the food it is too late.” There is so much that goes on before you put that piece of chocolate into your mouth and that’s where you need to break the pattern, before your hands touch the food. Which is why this can be so hard for me because when I get into overwhelm mode I simply don’t care, I am super aware of what’s going on and I just don’t care to make a better choice in that moment. And herein lies the crux:

It’s a choice. Even tuning out and not caring is a choice.

Sailboats in Bellingham Bay at Sunset・The Reluctant Cook

I am so tired of this trend that says “It’s not your fault, it’s the diet culture, it’s society, it’s the evil food industry, it’s NOT YOU!” All this does is perpetuate a sense of powerlessness and lack of agency, like we are puppets in someone else’s play with no ability to move to our own tunes. Well, I say cut the strings and take responsibility! We always have that choice.

I have never been a very assertive person and that is partly why I struggle so much with reverting this tendency to tune out. Standing up for myself and my needs - even in front of myself - does not come natural to me. But that doesn’t mean that I have never experienced the power of decisiveness and clarity, I know how good it feels to take responsibility and act in alignment with my deepest values and desires. As with most things in my life much of this comes down to energy and attention, two things I have always struggled with.

So that is where I want to put my focus: working on my energy and attention because I know that this is where the true magic happens for me.

Weekly Food Shopping・The Reluctant Cook

This photo is of my weekly food shopping, both from the farmer’s market and our local food co-op. Hmm, yes, there are still some Justin’s Peanut Butter Cups! I am determined to crack this and enjoy them as a treat instead of inhaling them. Remember, all food is allowed on my plan, I know that this won’t work for me long-term if I restrict any foods. I’ve been having a lot of red meat (because of my husband’s keto) and that’s fine because I love steak and sausages and all that. However, today my husband marinated two ribeye steaks and I realized that I was not in the mood for red meat (and trust me, his ribeyes are amazing)! I checked in with myself and my body was very clear: it wants chicken soup tonight! Ok then, happy to oblige. Which reminds me that I need to make more chicken bone broth, I’ve run out and need to wait until my husband is on a biz trip because he doesn’t like smelling chicken for two days LOL. So tonight I’m using store bought broth, it’s a good back-up.

Well, that’s it for now. Have a lovely week!

Kerstin xo


Some of last week’s food

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