German Pancakes, Intuitive Eating and Magical Eating
It has certainly not been my intention to wait a whole month until my next blog post! However, between a very busy time in my web design studio and my continued resistance around food and weight loss and all that, you get silence from me. But that doesn't mean that I have taken my focus off it completely. Quite the contrary.
A couple of weeks ago I finally ordered the book Intuitive Eating by IE pioneers Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. For someone who talks so much about IE I don't know why I never actually read the book! I've devoured plenty of others on the subject, and subscribed to lots of IE blogs, but I am quickly realizing that this book was an important piece of the puzzle that's been missing. I'm only about a third in but there are already so many moments of recognition and clarity. They even talk about the Last Supper mentality that I have identified as one of my main challenges, and it's humbling to learn that I really am not alone in this, that this is in fact a very common feature of the diet mentality.
Then came the chapter about weight loss and how we MUST put that on the back burner. That is still so hard for me. In my mind there is a very simple equation:
Stop dieting > uncontrolled eating > weight gain > more health problems
If it wasn't for my weight-related crappy sleep and the problems the weight is causing for my ankle and lately also knees I would probably just throw up my hands and concede defeat. And accept myself as I am and live with my weight. But. I just cannot do that. These health issues are only going to get worse as I get older and losing at least some of the weight will go a long way in easing some of my conditions.
Evelyn and Elyse do make a small concession towards weight loss. They ask:
- Have you routineley eaten beyond your comfortable fullness level?
- Do you routinely overeat when you're getting ready for your next diet?
- Do you overeat as an emotional coping mechanism?
- Have you also been resistant to exercise? Do you only exercise when you're dieting?
- Do you feel guilty, either when you overeat or when you eat what you call a "bad food"?
(I can say yes to all of these). Then they say:
"If you answered 'yes' to some or all of these questions, then it's likely that your present weight may be higher than the weight your body is meant to maintain. It is also likely that you will be able to return to your natural, healthy weight, as a result of this process."
This, however, requires an enormous amount of trust – in the Intuitive Eating process AND my body. A trust that I don't have. Yet.
This week I also joined Meghan for her new e-course A Month of Magical Eating. Meghan has been an online friend for years and she wrote the wonderful book Unfurl which I binge read about 10 years ago. She knows a thing or two about emotional eating - and MAGIC. If this sounds a bit woo woo to you then you are not alone, I was not so sure about it, either. But I know and trust Meghan and she has reignited something in me that I last felt many many years ago: a complete surrender to 'the universe.' I last felt this about 16 years ago when I had come out of yet another failed relationship and I was done with falling for the wrong guys and losing myself in someone else's life. I stopped trying to figure it all out on my own and started 'trusting in the universe.' I opened myself up to serendipity and to being held and to some amazingly weird experiences that did feel a little supernatural. And I finally returned back to myself and embarked on a trajectory that eventually led me to meeting my wonderful husband.
And I ask myself: What if I surrendered again?
What if I didn't need to figure this all out by myself and give it labels and build programs and assign instructions? What if I could accept my current weight-related physical challenges just enough to work with them instead of resisting them? What if I started talking to my food because it is spirited? (Told you, it's woo woo. But I can also tell you that it made me pet my food in gratitude today and cry and then simply enjoy it.)
German Pancakes with Spinach & Bacon
Today was a busy day at work and as so often I got sucked into my computer and barely moved my body. At 6pm I finally took a break and looked at my options. It was getting kinda late to cook a big meal and I still wanted to visit the house we are building and my head said: stuff it, just have a big bowl of quick ramen. I LOVE ramen. But then I listened in a bit more closely and suddenly this is what I heard:
I want a German pancake with spinach and bacon. Boom.
So this is what I ended up doing: I cycled over to the house, had a nice chat with the project manager, cycled to the store to pick up some bacon and peanut butter cups (still slightly addicted but stopping when satisfied after two) and proceeded to cook the pancake when I got home. It's such a quick and easy meal, too. I sat down at the table and thanked my food for nourishing me. It's so weird, I can't really explain it, but doing this makes me feel quite emotional. I just kinda go with it though and then simply enjoy my meal.
2 tbsp all purpose flour
2 tbsp full-fat milk
Dash of water
2 tsp butter
Handful of spinach
2 strips of bacon
1-2 tbsp goats feta cheese
- Fry bacon in non-stick pan over medium heat
- Combine ingredients for the batter
- Melt butter in shallow pan over medium heat
- Pour in pancake batter
- Immediately add torn up spinach pieces
- Add fried bacon, sliced into small pieces
- Let sit for a bit until batter solid enough to turn over
- Turn over and let sit for a bit until spinach and bacon are 'baked into' the batter
- Turn over a couple more times until pancake is golden brown