Sunday Scales Week 1・down 1.4 lbs

 Leftover veggie soup and chicken sandwich・400 cals

Leftover veggie soup and chicken sandwich・400 cals

This is the hard part: stepping on the scales and feeling disappointed at ‘only’ losing 1.4 lbs during my first week. It’s a healthy loss and I would be very happy to sustain this level every week but for my kick-off week I was hoping for more. Because that’s what makes us feel good and helps us keep going, right?

While my disappointment is deeply rooted in my diet mentality there is also fear at play here – I am going through menopause and you know what they say about that: weight loss is very difficult for menopausal women. What if I do all of this and hardly lose any weight?

Ugh.

I stayed well within my calorie budget last week but I was also very sedentary, lots of work that kept me glued to my computer and I find it so hard to get up and out of the house when I am in super focused work mode. I am changing a few things in my business next year and one of my goals is to create a better on/off screen balance because really, this is just not healthy in the long run.

The way I feel today is a good opportunity to remember that this is not just about weight loss but also about re-learning to listen to my body and looking the resistance monster in the eye when it tempts me into giving up and going back into my zone-out comfort bubble. This has actually been a very interesting week in this regard: a few times the thought of having to count calories caused a real sense of dread and all I wanted to do was give up and feel the freedom of non-restriction and eating whatever whenever. But then I realised: this sense of dread is less about actual freedom and more about my desire to tune out when my anxieties are riding high. Paying attention to my food’s calories forces me to stay in the present moment and thus in my anxious feelings and that is very uncomfortable. I know from experience that changing my mindset around this is where the real magic happens:

When I regard calorie counting as a tool rather than my master that’s when I’m taking charge and actually doing something instead of perpetuating the behaviors that keep me stuck at 100 lbs overweight. That is freedom.

So I am going to change my mind about the scales today and feel happy and grateful for a 1.4 lbs loss. I am still very much finetuning my program and next week (the forecast promises lots of sunny weather) I will make a conscious effort to get off my butt and out of the house more. One step at a time, quite literally.