Laying down the first brick

 Laying down the first brick of this bridge | The Reluctant Cook
When we’ve had a troubled relationship with food for most of our lives, and if that has caused us to gain a lot of weight, then chances are that we are feeling quite disconnected from our bodies. Using dieting methods can help us build the bridge back to our bodies, intuitive eating guidelines will gently walk us across the bridge and back to ourselves.
— Kerstin Martin

This morning I reactivated my MyFitnessPal account and started tracking my food. I've been feeling so out of control that this was the only thing that could calm me down again. Needless to say I've been here many times before. Anyone who's been reading my blog for a few years will know that I have started quite a few blog posts with this sentiment of "Here we go again." Yet here I am. GOING AGAIN. Laying down that first brick to the bridge that got taken down by the river of grief over the last couple of years. I am recommencing my Intuitive Dieting journey.

So what is different this time round? I don't know yet. All I know right now is what is in front of me and that is my desire to stop this train before it derails me completely. The physical impact of carrying almost 100lbs in excess weight is reaching a point where the quality of my day-to-day life is heavily impaired. The mental and emotional cost is considerable, too, and I feel like I've been living in this fog for the last few months, still functioning in my professional life but barely keeping things together elsewhere. Much of this is the grief I still feel over my mom's passing two years ago. Not just the immutable fact that she is no longer with us but also the unexpected suddenness of her death, which shook me up deeply. One moment she was living a full life, the next she is gone. Just like that. This made me question so much about life and the meaning of it all and I just didn't want to deal with any of it. So I ate. And numbed. And stopped caring. 

I know. This is kind of heavy. I am always wondering how much I can share on my blog, it feels like such a fine line I am walking between my desire to "write it out" (it helps so much) and my respect for my own privacy. I have always been very open on my blog but lately I am also feeling the vulnerability of it all and I want to honor the boundaries I am learning to set for myself. 

In any case. This blog will continue to tell the story of my falling in love with cooking. I am still convinced that cooking more and learning to love the process is one of the major keys to a happy and healthy life! And eating well and only foods I love is a cornerstone of my Intuitive Dieting approach. Here is what I started with today:

 Morning Oats | The Reluctant Cook

Quick 1/2 Cup Morning Oats

1/2 cup organic quick oats
1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
1/2 cup blueberries
1 tbsp wildflower honey
1 tbsp hemp seeds
1 tbsp toasted almond slivers

385 cals


I usually mix the oats and almond milk and heat in the microwave for 20 seconds. This helps blend in the honey when I it that and I also like eating my oats slightly warm.

Add everything else and enjoy!

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