what's cooking around here?

Not much, I'm afraid. At least not on the stovetop. 

I feel like I have written way too many posts in my life apologizing for... not writing enough posts. Going awol. The more I have going on in my head, the quieter I become on my blog. Until I reach the point where I can no longer contain it all and then it comes out in one of those epic all revealing posts that relieves the pressure but doesn't go particularly anywhere. 

No epic post today, just a hello to say I'm still here. Life's been very busy and we've added entirely self-made stress to it by almost buying a house on an airport! It’s a long story and pulling the plug on it was not an easy decision but it was absolutely the right one. The funny thing is that while a move would certainly have been disruptive to our lives and my business, the gipsy in me couldn’t help but feeling a tad excited, too. A part of me will always love moving and the promise of new beginnings and the sense of aliveness I derive from that. Living next to a little runway would also have been very cool! Alas, things did not work out the way we had hoped and we are surprisingly ok with that. In fact, I am feeling a deep sense of relief as I sink back into the coziness and comfort of our spacious and bright top floor apartment with the nice views. There is something to be said about deciding to stay. Especially for us, who have moved every single year since we met more than 13 years ago. This month we are celebrating our two-year anniversary in our condo and you know what, that kind of feels good. 

 Tulips for Valentine’s | thereluctantcook.blog

With everything that’s been going on my kitchen has not seen a lot of action. That’s why I am a reluctant cook, throw a few challenges my way and I immediately retreat into my old patterns of comfort eating and not wanting to cook much. As my coach Sas put it so aptly: I simultaneously have my foot on the accelerator - wanting to be more present - and the brakes - not wanting to experience anxiety or having to do boring/hard things. We only had one session so far and her analytical skills are spot on. And because she got so close to the core of things I immediately put up my defenses and retreated into my resistance bubble since that session. I would even go as far as saying that the whole house buying exercise was just one massive act of resistance, a major distraction from doing the work of waking up.

Did I say no epic post today? Hmm... 

In any case, I do feel like the fog is slowly lifting again and with that I would very much like for my focus to return to my body and cooking nutritious and delicious foods. Work is going to be very busy the next couple of months but instead of allowing the stress to trip me up - as it often does - I want to try something different and use movement and food as a source of energy and enjoyment. I won’t lie, while that sounds wonderful the reality of using food to numb is never far for me. But this journey is all about changing my attitude around these things and in the very least I want to give it a chance.

Have a lovely week :)

 Tulips for Valentine’s | thereluctantcook.blog

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